The Pretty Pear

Review & Giveaway: Wendy Shanker's Are You My Guru?

Wendy Shanker, author of your favorite book The Fat Girl's Guide to Life has a new book coming out very soon. Next week, in fact. Wendy contacted me to see if I'd like a copy to review and me being the pushy, annoying blogger I am, I asked her if I could give a copy away to one of you as well. I got not one but three copies to give away! I know, the word giveaway has you all perked up like my dog when she sees me grab her leash. You have to read my review first, though. It's only polite.

The book is called Are You My Guru?: How Medicine, Meditation & Madonna Saved My Life. I already like it because Madonna is right there in the title. It's about how Wendy contracted a rare autoimmune disease right as her whole life was taking off - single girl in Manhattan, writing for television (a little channel called Oxygen), interviewing celebs, the whole deal.

Far from a misty-eyed recollection of life revelations discovered while meditating and sipping tea, Wendy goes through a lot of shit with her illness and is brutally honest about much of it. There are endless days of depression and isolation, drug cocktails that make her feel worse than the disease does, a $600 wig, colonics and chemo.

Feeling that she's not making enough progress with Western medicine alone, she turns to all manner of new age-y woo woo cures and treatments. Some of them help, others don't. But what's interesting isn't just what changes with Wendy physically during this time, it's what happens emotionally and spiritually. Illness sucks but at least it teaches you something about yourself, even if you don't want to hear that at least illness teaches you something about yourself.

The thing I love about this book, and the Fat Girl's Guide, is Wendy's conversational writing style. It reads very much like Wendy is talking to you, but not in that corny way that comes off as silly and "Hey, girlfriend!" You know what I'm talking about. It's like you asked "So tell me what happened" and she hands you a cup of tea and spills the beans on the whole ordeal. This all means that even if you've never been sick a day in your life, you can still see yourself through Wendy's words. 

All in all, a great read and when it comes out on September 7th, I recommend that you pick it up. The giveaway ends before then so you'll know whether or not you need to make a little trip to Borders.

Ok, now the fun part. Enter your name and email address in the form below and I'll draw three winners on Monday morning. I'll email you to tell you that you've won and to get your mailing address. Wendy's publisher will then send you a copy of the book. You will read the book, enjoy it a lot, and tell your friends to read it, too. 

If you're unable to see the form below, please go here.

My plans and goals for fall and winter

I'm really going to miss summer. It's been pretty great - lazy afternoons on the beach, street festivals, long walks with the dog, time with my family and friends. But fall is closing in and it's time to start thinking about what I'm going to do with myself during the colder months to ward off the crazies.

Chicago winters are long and miserable. They start out nice with the fluffy white snow, prepping for the holidays, and snuggling into sweaters and scarves. But around the middle of January, you want to either sleep constantly or move to the Bahamas, or maybe move to the Bahamas so you can sleep on a beach (that might just be my fantasy). You have to have a plan for keeping yourself going. Here's my list.

1. Write a lot more. I'm going to start by putting aside a designated 15 minute block of writing time each day and then work that up to say, an hour and a half. I think maybe if it's part of my daily routine and I stick to it, I'll get back into the groove. I don't know what I'll write, probably content for this blog or just general journaling. I love writing, I just need to make it a habit.

2. Set up my home office. A huge part of why I rented this apartment is because it has a small second bedroom that's perfect for an office space. I decided to let myself off the hook and put off setting it up until the fall so it's almost time.

3. De-clutter my wardrobe. It's a mess, a total and complete mess. I have more than enough closet space now and most of my clothes are in laundry bags and baskets. I really, really need to go through and decide the fate of each and every item of clothing.

4. Other misc. apartment related to-do items. I have bookcases that I need to assemble, areas that will dissolve into clutter if I don't intervene soon, etc. I don't plan on moving any time soon so I need to work on making this apartment super comfortable.

So the main focuses are working on my apartment and making it a habit to write on a daily basis. I think this is a really doable list that will keep me busy all the way to spring. Plus, I have a Kindle on pre-order and I'm finally getting cable, so I'll just numb the pain with a constant stream of entertainment.

Feeling fat? Or is it something else?

I was walking the dog the other day, contemplating what to wear later that evening for a casual dinner with a friend. I thought to myself "I wish it wasn't so hot out so I could wear sleeves and pants. I feel fat today." Then I stopped in my tracks (mentally) and thought to myself "Wait, I feel fat today?"

Here's the thing: I feel fat every day because I'm the same approximate size and shape of fatness every day. On the days when I feel fat, it really means that I'm feeling vulnerable, either to my own harsh criticism or to the opinions of the people around me.

It means that I want to hide my arms and legs behind a layer of fabric to protect myself emotionally. It doesn't mean that I've gotten any fatter over night. It just means that there's something going on with me mentally that's making me feel more vulnerable than usual.

This is probably pretty obvious to most people but when you're definitely fat, you never don't feel fat. I always feel fat because there's no question about my size - I'm most definitely a fat person.

On most days, I hardly think about it. I go about my life and I might think about my fatness in passing but I don't dwell or berate myself. It just is what it is.

But on days when I'm feeling down on myself for reasons not really related to my body, I'm more likely to think "I feel fat today." I'm essentially blaming my body for something totally unrelated to my size without even thinking about what I'm doing.

This doesn't mean that I'll never have the "I feel fat" thought because, well, I'm a human and that happens. But next time, I'll question myself and say "Is this really about my body or is something else going on?"

It's not really fair to blame my body for something it didn't even do.

Love this: How To Be Alone

And this, too just for fun (and because it reminds me of my own needy dog).

Yay for happier things...

Thanks for all the great comments on my last two posts. So many people have sleep apnea, it's just so common. The good part is that it's treatable. The bad part is that the treatment is kind of annoying and expensive. I don't think I could afford to have sleep apnea without health insurance but that's a topic for another day. On to happier things, for now.

Philosophy is offering 20% off everything on their website through July 12th with the code twentypercent. Philosophy is one of my very favorite beauty brands and I use many of their products every day, including the Purity cleanser and the Amazing Grace line.

I have a family party this weekend and I'll be wearing this knit maxi dress in pewter. It's roomy in the bust area on me so if you're well endowed, or better endowed than I am, you might like it. It has adjustable straps so that's a definite bonus. Just make sure to wash it in cold water and hang dry because it shrinks in length. It's no longer maxi length on me but that's fine. I like everything else about it, including the nice cotton material. Oh and short ladies can wear the long dresses, too. I'd recommend a solid color rather than a print but don't be afraid of the maxi trend!

I'm so excited to have finally found a pastel aqua nail color that looks good on me! It's by the brand Orly and it's called Gumdrop. My fav nail blogger Scrangie has pics here. It's on my toes right now and I love it. I found it at ULTA, along with the purple from the same collection. I might need to pick up a couple more colors.

More about sleep apnea symptoms

On the topic of sleep apnea symptoms, I just want to stress that while snoring can be a major red flag for a lot of people, some people who have sleep apnea don't snore at all. I know this because that's the case for me. I might snort a little if an apnea is severe enough to wake me all the way up or if I'm zonked out, flat on my back but my doctor noted no snoring at all in my sleep study.

There are a lot of random little signs that I started to noticed after I was diagnosed. Some of my symptoms are:

Excessive sleepiness. This isn't the kind of tired you are if you just haven't gotten enough sleep one or two nights. This is the kind of sleepiness you'd expect if you haven't gotten enough sleep in years. All you can think about when you're awake is when you'll be able to sleep next. This creeps up slowly because the body is able to adjust to lack of sleep pretty well but when it gets bad, your whole life becomes about sleep. Or if you're in the early stages of sleep apnea, it might not be that extreme but being sleepy a lot is the big, red flag warning sign.

Feeling sick constantly. I always felt like I was coming down with a cold or flu and I knew something was wrong but I didn't know what. I'd also often have a sore throat in the morning, which is another common symptom. That just made me think I had some weird, months-long virus that would surely kill me or drive me insane. Basically, I just felt crappy a lot. Luckily, this was one of the first things to subside when I started with CPAP.

Morning headaches. I didn't notice these when my sleep behaviorist first asked because they go away within a few minutes of being awake, when my brain starts getting enough oxygen again (I know, scary). It's never an extreme, migraine type headache, just a little aching in the forehead area. Again, these were my symptoms so you might not have headaches at all, etc.

Waking up hot and sweaty. I'm a fairly cold sleeper so when I noticed that I was waking up all hot and sweaty in my freezing cold apartment, that was puzzling. Apneas make your brain think you're suffocating, triggering a rush of adrenaline, which makes you sweat. 

Major brain fuzz. A big result of sleep apnea for me is that it slowly but surely took away a lot of what makes me, me. Meaning, my creativity was zapped, I felt moody and anxious a lot, I couldn't concentrate or really care about anything, etc. It was a lot like I've felt when depressed but different, somehow. Like I wanted to care but I was too tired. 

Some other symptoms that I know of can include having dreams about choking, drowning or suffocating; getting up to use the bathroom more than usual; pauses in your breathing pattern while sleeping; waking up in a panic; and general shortness of breath.

I'm not wearing the mask all the way through the night so I still have some of the symptoms a lot and it comes and goes. Some days I'm just sleepy, other days I'm a moody bitch. It's kind of hard to tell what's me, what's the sleep apnea, and what might be something else. It's been so long since I've slept normally that it doesn't matter anyway.

If you have sleep apnea and have any symptoms that I didn't mention here, please add those in the comments. It might help someone who's in denial about the excessive sleepiness part.

I know I've said this before but if you suspect that you have sleep apnea, please talk about it with your doctor. First of all, being tired all the time just sucks and you deserve to not feel like crap but more than that, it can kill you. It's not just an annoyance because of the snoring or a hindrance because of the sleepiness, IT CAN KILL YOU. Wearing a mask and hose to bed every night is decidedly not glam but I'd rather do that than DIE.