Feeling fat? Or is it something else?

I was walking the dog the other day, contemplating what to wear later that evening for a casual dinner with a friend. I thought to myself "I wish it wasn't so hot out so I could wear sleeves and pants. I feel fat today." Then I stopped in my tracks (mentally) and thought to myself "Wait, I feel fat today?"

Here's the thing: I feel fat every day because I'm the same approximate size and shape of fatness every day. On the days when I feel fat, it really means that I'm feeling vulnerable, either to my own harsh criticism or to the opinions of the people around me.

It means that I want to hide my arms and legs behind a layer of fabric to protect myself emotionally. It doesn't mean that I've gotten any fatter over night. It just means that there's something going on with me mentally that's making me feel more vulnerable than usual.

This is probably pretty obvious to most people but when you're definitely fat, you never don't feel fat. I always feel fat because there's no question about my size - I'm most definitely a fat person.

On most days, I hardly think about it. I go about my life and I might think about my fatness in passing but I don't dwell or berate myself. It just is what it is.

But on days when I'm feeling down on myself for reasons not really related to my body, I'm more likely to think "I feel fat today." I'm essentially blaming my body for something totally unrelated to my size without even thinking about what I'm doing.

This doesn't mean that I'll never have the "I feel fat" thought because, well, I'm a human and that happens. But next time, I'll question myself and say "Is this really about my body or is something else going on?"

It's not really fair to blame my body for something it didn't even do.

Comments

[SteveD]

I personally don't like the word "Fat". Sure your different from the Size 2's. But lets get real here. How many of those exist?

We are overweight some of us because of our Lifestyle and Diet. But the Body has a lot to do with it too.

From your picture you don't look fat! Just look like a Young Woman.

I know you are aware of life's problems, but don't let them rule you.

[Amy]

I totally had that moment getting ready for a first date last weekend. I'm definitely in the "covering myself emotionally" camp right there with you.

[Mulberry]

I love the word fat, but I don't love the way most people use it. On good days I feel fat. Fat and glorious! Fat and generous! Fat and fabulous! Fat and reaching out. On bad days I feel thin. Thin and haggard. Thin and ugly. Thin and depressed, like I'm retreating from the world.
Is this insulting to thin people? How could it be, I'm just describing my feelings. Or maybe, just maybe, fat and thin aren't feelings after all.
Colleen, put on something pretty and enjoy your dinner. Air conditioning, good conversation and good food ought to perk you up, especially if you tend to wilt in the heat like I do.

[anna]

This is a great post. I distinctly said "I feel fat" the other day, and now I realise it was just because I was feeling worried, anxious and not good enough.

How stupid is that? We never say "I feel so redheaded today" or "I feel so blue eyed today" Why should "fat" get to be so loaded?

[Lauren]

I always say "I feel fat" when I feel really bloated or physically uncomfortable to the point where my clothes feel different or uncomfortable, not necessarily smaller, just uncomfortable. I don't think I've ever done it attached to anything emotional.

[moe]

I totally get what you're saying here. For sure I always "feel" fat because it's not like I drop 100 pounds one day and then gain it back the next. I have those same days where something just doesn't feels right and the word "fat" is being substituted for insecure. It's weird how we can feel insecure one day and just go about our business the next.

[Edita]

I had actually never thought about it like that, but it totally makes sense. In a way, it's also relieving just to realize that because, like you said, weight doesn't change drastically in a day, but you can do something to cheer yourself up right away :)

I'll definitely remember this the next time I have a "fat day!"

[Audrey]

My wonderfull therapist always answer the I feel fat today comments with :

Fat Is Not A Feeling !!!

It took me a while to really "get" what she means but it is so so true , think about it

[Lisa Plus Size]

This a very insightful post, feeling fat is hard to define but important to understand.

[Big & Beautiful]

I feel fat sometimes, specially when am craving for a dress that is not my size. What i try to do is just be positive about my body and find out the right size and color that will make me look wonderful! Get clothes that you like and know they will fit and be marvelous with your shape. Do not wear some clothes just because they're fashionable, rather put them curves in the right outfit and you will realize how beautiful you are!
Each and everyone of us has a different size and shape, fat or thin, choose what you think is right for you, then you will feel much better about your body.

[Plus Size Dorita]

This really got to me:

"On the days when I feel fat, it really means that I'm feeling vulnerable"

How true!

[Kathi]

That is a really great topic..."feeling fat". Is fat a feeling? I have felt fat before. Perhaps it is water retention or bloating. I realize fat really isn't a feeling but why do we feel it?
I know when I'm feeling it, I'm usually bored or uninvolved in a project. My focus is on myself when it could be on something more constructive.
There is one thing I know for sure and that is we are all socialized (one way or the other) by the media.
We see hundreds of images a day and they usually involved thin / fit / beautiful people wearing beautiful things. It has an effect on us that we just can't deny. Try turning off your TV for a month or cutting cable. Chances are you will feel better about yourself.
I teach courses in weight management/loss, exercise, and eating and work in the area of exercise and health psychology. I don't believe there is an answer to what "feeling fat" is all about, but I am going to certainly pursue this one.
Sorry for the long response.
Kathi