A glimpse of what’s to come

Hello! I’m really excited about life right now. I’ve been quite down since before the holidays - mega stressed out and shall we say, emotionally tender. It kind of all spiraled to the point of going back on an anti-depressant, which certainly wasn’t in my plans but had to be done. I’m on it more for anxiety than for depression but it has certainly helped with my mood.

I’m emerging from a lengthy funk and I have a lot ahead of me. I’ve found a wonderful apartment that I’ll be moving into at the end of this month. It’s in a whole new neighborhood where there are lots of things to see and explore.

The building is extremely pet friendly, so I’ll be getting the dog I’ve been sulking about for the past four years. I’m very much a doggie person so I expect that getting my own dog will bring even more happy into my life. The chances that the dog will be obnoxiously well-accessorized and doted on hover around 110%.

My new apartment is twice the size of the one I’m in now, which is fantastic and above my expectations. It has a small second bedroom which will be my work/creative space (let’s avoid the word office) and THREE clothing closets. I know, it’s awesome. Don’t even get me started on the linen closet in the bathroom.

I’m excited about all that, plus I’m turning 30 on March 20th. Because my birthday is on the first day of spring and the first day of the zodiac, I feel like the universe is aligning and saying GET MOVING, GIRL

I’ve felt so stuck and confused about this blog. I’ve decided to just let go and follow my own intuition. It’s hard to not get wrapped up in what other people think, what they want from me, what they expect from me, and the people who would love to benefit from my own apathy and failure.

It can feel like the whole world is expecting the very best from me, more than I can give. I also feel like there are people who are hoping I’ll fall flat on my face, sneak off into the dark and disappear. Or it’s all in my head. Either way, my feelings toward the whole blogging thing have become dysfunctional and just bad.

This is the thing – this blog was never supposed to be a personal blog or at all about me. But in making this blog not about me, I’ve lost the connection with it and with you. It feels like a chore sometimes and there’s little joy in it. I want to change that. So instead of doing what I do – planning, thinking, formulating – I’m just going to let go. If you like what I write, great. If not, that’s OK, too.

I don’t know when I’ll be back to a regular posting schedule but I do have a giveaway planned very soon, so stayed tuned for that. I’ll be busy for the next month or two, getting moved and settled. I think I’ll document some of it here. In the meantime, ask me some questions! I'm having fun with that.

Comments

[SteveD]

Live for yourself. I enjoy your Blog (hey I am 51 and retired for last 10 years). I understand depression (not on drugs, I get over it), hard sometimes not to get into slump. I think it has to do with Winter. White Stuff = Depressed. Me it cheered up somehow. Enjoyed the Snow blower and moving it around. This winter only 1 quick snow blower run. All rain. Trade in my 4x4 PU for Toyota (Cut Gas bill) and Wife has her Summer Car out starting tomorrow (Honda S2000).

We also are planning a move. Not so soon as you. Always nice to move up in the world.

Post what you can I am sure you have lots of followers. Life is not over at 30 or 50. It's not over until the Fat Lady Sings they say. Ok Bad Pun.

I lost too much hearing thru the ages (Sounds of Freedom)
http://www.komar.org/sound-of-freedom/

So I plan on living Forever! But looked him in the Eyes and was told it was not my time yet! (last war something stupid)

[Christie S]

I have liked your blog when it was less personal and just about plus fashion... but let me tell you I think this was the best post EVER! Hearing about you definitely made me feel more connected... and I am SO excited for you with all the great changes coming up for you. New apartment, a dog, turning 30... it's going to be a great year for you. I'm glad to hear you are feeling better and more optimistic now. I wish you ALL the best and no matter what you write about I'll be reading!!!

On a note about plus size fashion, what is with almost no plus stores having skirted swimsuits this year?! Sheesh. But I found a cute one at Avenue:
http://www.avenue.com/clothing/Prints-of-Tides-Swimdress-w-Tummy-Control.aspx?PfId=187043&DeptId=20833&ProductTypeId=1&PurchaseType=0
Got to try it out today and it's FAB.

Thanks for being here :)

[Claire]

I've been battling depression too. Unfortunately, like many others, I've been unable to "get over it," as the previous poster is lucky to be able to do. Medication is not a weakness. Don't judge yourself, and I look forward to seeing whatever you decide to do. Good to hear from you!

[gina]

we've missed you! Glad to hear things are aligning for you. Whatever you need to do to make things work for you, in life, as with the blog, go on and do it. All the best to you!

[Noel]

I'm glad you're back to blogging and to reiterate what's already been said, depression is nothing to feel ashamed about. I suffer from chronic depression and it gets especially worst this time of year. Best of luck to you!

[Nomie]

I'm definitely more of a lurker, but - dude, write what you will. I enjoy the blog no matter what goes up, even if I don't comment that often. I'm just glad to see you posting again. :)

[Sara Stephens]

You know, it makes it more real to me, Colleen, when you put a bit of what's going on in your life in it. I prefer that. I can connect with "another girl" over fashion, or whatever, if I understand what's going on with her. So, go for it.

As far as questions go... Decent, straight-leg, plus-size jeans (not stretch) in basic blue with no distress or sparkles? Do they exist anymore? I live in Podunk Southwest, so ... malling isn't exactly an option at this point. I'm also short. Heh.